Sex and Disability

Note: this is a growing field, with more resources being created all the time.  This list is neither comprehensive, nor particularly in depth in various directions.  I am simply attempting to provide a good starting point on various topics. As always suggestions are welcome. Continue reading

Resources: for abusers

This list is for people who want to help abusers stop being abusive and engage with their actions, for people who want to know if they are abusers and what to do about it. If you are or have been abused please read this list. If you are worried that you will become an abuser because you have been abused please read this list.

If you are concerned you may be abusive, some hotlines provide resources to help identify abusive behaviors both online and via their hotlines:

This site has pdfs, gender specific hotlines, and youth and Spanish language hotlines.

This hotline site has resources and guides.

For former abusers who are trying to improve:

This article as a good starting point.

This is a slightly older resource list.

Peer and community support can also be helpful.

Youth hotline

How to talk to a friend about their abusive behavior.

Feminist guide to accountability

Thinking about Privilege

content: reflection on own privilege, childhood, and the problems with hierarchies of oppression and homogenizing marginalized groups.

So much of privilege is really hard to conceptualize because it’s intrinsic to our lived experience. It occurred to me today how privileged I am as I brushed my teeth and remembered being 5 years old and learning how to brush my own teeth.

I challenge you to think about it too.  What do you remember learning before you were 5 years old? Continue reading

An attempt at nuance: gender and privilege

TL;DR: experiences of gendered privilege do not determine gender, and homogenizing trans narratives is part of the double standard trans people are subject to that cis people are not and that’s not cool.

It seems so obvious to me, as a disabled person who is often actively discriminated against while passing as ablebodied, how easy it is to experience violence and a form of privilege at the same time.  Passing means that I will not face overt discrimination, but the socially imposed boundaries limiting me still exist and affect me.  I might not be deliberately left out, as I might when I use a cane, but I still can’t keep up. I often feel the same way about gender.

Divides in the trans community often fall along what it takes to be really trans, who has more privilege, and who uses the “right” language.  Often I see statements that say things like transwomen are real women and have always been real women but never how that category is inherently oppressive.  I see animosity and harassment towards people whose gender may have changed, against nonbinary people and those who do not medically transition.  All of these things boil down to a movement that refuses to acknowledge a plurality of experiences and enforces strict hierarchies of oppression. Continue reading

Who’s trigger is it anyway?

content: Descriptions of triggers, gaslighting, and suggestions for how to label information.

Many spaces struggle with how to provide adequate information about the nature of their content in a way that is useful to people who wish to be able to enter into difficult conversations with the means to prepare.  There seems to be a great deal of confusion regarding the nature of certain words commonly used to pinpoint hurtful subjects especially within social justice spaces.
Continue reading

Your labels matter: working for inclusive and accountable language

TL;DR: If you are trying to support marginalized genders, don’t use narratives suggesting gender isn’t real to seek legitimacy.

We may not chose our gender or sexual or romantic orientation, but we do chose how we talk about it.  No decision happens in a vacuum and your choices affect others.

Finding our own gender can be very complicated.  For some agender people, that means coming to terms with the fact that gender is really important!  To a lot of people!  For a lot of cisgender people it means understanding that there are more than two categories out there and that they aren’t set in stone. Continue reading